Ask a thousand people what romance is and you’ll likely get a thousand responses. Romance isn’t quantifiable by numbers or statistics, so it isn’t easy to define, but listen to love songs or watch a romantic comedy, and you’ll recognize the unmistakable symptoms of this infatuating feeling called love. You focus on them. You get elated when things are going well, have mood swings when things are going poorly. But what you really want them to do is to call, to write, to ask you out, and to tell you that they love you. We’ve all been there—we’ve all felt that pang in our hearts for that one person that we simply cannot get out of our minds. But even though love is one of the most basic human instincts, it’s not an easy one to master. For decades, we’ve been trying to quantify love—and in the age of dating apps , we’re trying to decode it with algorithms. Many believe that romance is somehow a numbers game—the more we play, the better the odds.
Aziz Ansari: Love, Online Dating, Modern Romance and the Internet
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More recently, a plethora of market-minded dating books are coaching singles on how to seal a romantic deal, and dating apps, which have rapidly become the mode du jour for single people to meet each other, make sex and romance even more like shopping. The idea that a population of single people can be analyzed like a market might be useful to some extent to sociologists or economists, but the widespread adoption of it by single people themselves can result in a warped outlook on love.
M oira Weigel , the author of Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating , argues that dating as we know it—single people going out together to restaurants, bars, movies, and other commercial or semicommercial spaces—came about in the late 19th century. What dating does is it takes that process out of the home, out of supervised and mostly noncommercial spaces, to movie theaters and dance halls.
The application of the supply-and-demand concept, Weigel said, may have come into the picture in the late 19th century, when American cities were exploding in population. Read: The rise of dating-app fatigue. Actual romantic chemistry is volatile and hard to predict; it can crackle between two people with nothing in common and fail to materialize in what looks on paper like a perfect match.
The fact that human-to-human matches are less predictable than consumer-to-good matches is just one problem with the market metaphor; another is that dating is not a one-time transaction. This makes supply and demand a bit harder to parse. Given that marriage is much more commonly understood to mean a relationship involving one-to-one exclusivity and permanence, the idea of a marketplace or economy maps much more cleanly onto matrimony than dating.
The marketplace metaphor also fails to account for what many daters know intuitively: that being on the market for a long time—or being off the market, and then back on, and then off again—can change how a person interacts with the marketplace.
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And the data here, too, suggest that this pandemic is actually changing the courtship process is some positive ways. Foremost, coronavirus has slowed things down. This pandemic has forced singles to return to more traditional wooing: getting to know someone before the kissing starts. An astonishing 6, men and women replied. And they are doing something new: video chatting. Before Covid, only 6 percent of these singles were using video chatting to court.
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The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse
By aziz ansari. My parents had an arranged marriage. This always fascinated me.
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